Category Archives: Swim Discussion

Many people have asked me what my next swim endeavor will be, and when I tell them about 8 Bridges, the first response is, “are you crazy?” followed by “wow, I can’t even swim a lap,” and usually there is an ending like, “gross, you are going to swim in the Hudson? Is it safe?”

Let me address the last comment first.  Last year, I participated in Stage 7 of the 8 Bridges Swim.  This was 18.1 miles, swimming from the George Washington Bridge to the Verrazano Bridge.  I had no idea what to expect but I did know that I would be swimming through New York Harbor.  At no point, did I ever feel like I was not in beautiful water.  It was not the most pleasant of days – the sun was in and out and the head-on wind chop was not the best, but the water, itself, was lovely.  It looked fine, it smelled fine, and it tasted fine (I should know because I drank half of the Hudson that day).  The Hudson did not leave me feeling sick afterwards, and I resumed my daily activities the next day.  These are some of the feelings and impressions the Hudson, and swimming Stage 7 did leave me with:

I knew I wanted to swim another stage the next year.  It was not just the swim itself, but rather the whole experience – and it is an experience.  This is not a race, I guess it can be if you want it to be, but it is more a journey.  A personal journey with the backing of experienced crew (most of whom are fellow marathon swimmers), helping you to achieve your goal.  It is a beautiful exercise in what wonderful things can be accomplished with camaraderie, teamwork, and positive support.  The crew was fully engaged through the entire swim and just when I started to fade, Rondi  Davies, and John Humenik, after 7 days of supporting and swimming with others, jumped in and gave me the push I needed.  They wanted to see me succeed; they wanted me to finish and they made sure I got the mental boost I needed – to know I was not alone.

When everyone was safely on the boat we headed back to LaMarina.  Andrew Malinak had completed all 7 stages!  He looked tired as he sat by the railing of the boat but he had a look on his face that I can still see – contentment maybe– a combination of words I cannot find to describe his look.  He had, not a smile nor a frown.  The sides of his mouth curled up slightly as if he was thinking, “it’s done.  The journey is over.”  At that moment, whether my mind knew before my heart did I cannot say for sure, I knew I had to know what Andrew was feeling, not by asking him but by experiencing it.  For me, every long swim has started out by me thinking, “I wonder what that feels like.”  Is it painful? Is it tiring? What do you think about while swimming for hours and hours?   I’ve learned that while you can ask a fellow swimmer these questions, the experience is different for everyone and sometimes you just have to go through it yourself.  As Andrew wrote in his blog about 8 Bridges, some things I will share, some things you will never know.

I will try to write down something about each stage.  I will be as honest and raw as I can be, but I think, there are some things you just have to go through yourself to truly understand and know.  There is a great deal of uncertainties in Open water swimming.  One thing I am certain about is that the crew is top notch.  The group of people leading us swimmers down the Hudson will do everything possible to make this an experience we will look back on as fond memories.

I will spare you writing about the logistics of trying to plan for a 7 day swim odyssey but I feel like actually getting everything together and getting to the event is an accomplishment in and of itself!

The picture above is me at age 5 or 6 before a race.  The face I am making is how I am feeling right about now.  Nerves have been with me and in high gear for the past week.  I am told, by my coach and others, that I still make that face before a swim.  Those that will be joining me on the Hudson will be seeing that face a lot.

I have to admit, this year especially, I feel tired with my training.  It may be that I am another year older and the workouts are not any easier and my dry land has increased.  It may be that the kids are older and I am stretched in more directions; or maybe it is a synergistic effect.  Whatever the case, things are still moving in a forward progression, spring is coming and so are my big swims.  As I left the pool yesterday I sat in my car for a few minutes and thought about the months to come.

First, my 6 hour training swim in Bermuda with Coach and 5 other swimmer friends in tow.  This will be fun, it will be amazing, and the support and camaraderie will be a beautiful reminder of what the 8 Bridges Hudson River Swim will offer.  Then the experience of swimming down the Hudson over 7 days – the anticipation, nerves, fear etc. etc., that I have, are intense.  Lastly, to finish off the summer swims, there will be Manhattan.  I am not even sure what to expect with this swim but again, the intense feelings are all there.

I think with any swim that I do, no matter what the distance, the fear of not finishing is the most intense.  I know there will be pain and there will be long long hours, but the unknown elements in open water swimming makes dealing with these feelings especially difficult.  Will the water be too cold and I’ll have to get pulled? will my feedings be wrong or my body not react to them the way I practiced and I’ll have to get pulled?  Will there be unknowns in the water or other boat or ferry obstacles that will squash the swim?  Will the conditions change that will make officials call the swim?  These are all things I worry about but they seem to melt away once I start swimming.  The moment I start swimming further and further away from the start, the more comfortable, finally, I feel and am able to focus on nothing else but my stroke and the moment.  A big part of this comfort comes from the training.  The hours and hours and hours of training that are put in at the pool.

Yesterday, my coach gave me my IM workout.  9,500 yards, of which 6,000 of it was IM sets.  The yardage was not the problem.  I am doing 9,500 daily right now and will move up to 10,000 next week- I’m used to the yardage.  The IMs weren’t even the problem, as Wednesdays are usually my designated IM days.   It was the start of a few of the IM sets that scared me.  I will spare you the breakdown of that workout but when I first looked at it my reactions were as follows: “Is she serious?” followed by “oh god, I wish I didn’t look at this right now,” and then “how am I going to get through this?”  I was thinking that this was a test, to see if I could do this whole workout without breaking stroke.  Bonnie (my coach) knows I hate fly, and backstroke is a close seconds.  I’ll do them because I think incorporating all the strokes into my training is important for open water, but I don’t like them.  These anxious feelings I had did not subside through my 2,000 mix warm up.  When the first two set came, I was relieved, actually relieved I made it through with little pain but the third set is what was on my mind.  And as I was on my 4th lap of a 225 fly I thought to myself, actually thought, “she IS trying to kill me.”  Lap 6 came in a strained stretch, lap 7 I felt a second wind, sails lost their wind on lap 8 and lap 9 well (I didn’t break stroke), but I’m sure nothing look pretty to those on deck.  When I hit the wall I though, “I made it, I did it (even though I still have the hardest of the back stroke to get through followed by 3 more long ladder sprint IMs).” The fly was not picture perfect at the end and, it didn’t feel particularly nice either, but I didn’t break stroke and was able to get off the wall for backstroke without adding any time.

When I crawled out of the pool, exhausted, and achy, with my mind telling me I made it over the hump day, I again pondered whether Bonnie was actually trying to kill me.  Slowly, so no one would ever suspect her…but then I though No!  of course she’s not trying to kill me.  Today, she just made me a little stronger.

I have been asked, on more than one occasion, “how do you keep track of all the laps you swim.”  For those that do not swim, they do not realize that we do sets.  When that is the case, it is easy.  But what about when the sets are something like: 5 x 2,000?  Well…I count.  I break down those two thousands in my head as I swim.  I might count the first 40 laps for the first 1,000 then for the next one, I count 10 x 100s.  If I am doing a straight swim…say 8,000, I make it a game.  I may break it up and for the first 1,000 I count 40, the second 1,000 I may count 2 x 500s the third, 4 x 250s etc.

It is interesting to me how the same yardage can feel so different when broken up different ways in my head.  The 1,000 straight may feel like an eternity whereas 4 x 250s feels like half the distance.  I usually cannot think or daydream when I swim.  This is another misconception by non-swimmers.  I have tried to let my mind wander during my long pool swims.  The only thing those wanderings ever got me were just made, but still too short flip turns, and a smack into the wall (literally I really did swim into the wall one time).  So counting is better for me.  And what if I miscount or forget what number I am on?  Well…I always add laps, I never assume that I already did them.  This can be problematic in a 50 meter pool but most times I am able to rectify the situation by a quick glance at the minute clock.

Long open water swims are different.  My mind can wander when I am not concentrating on shifting pace.  If I know I have 1/2 hour of the same speed, then I can push play on that mix tape I made in my mind.  I may think about something that happened or I may think about nothing.  Sometimes I just watch my arms moving through the water and listen to the muffled sounds.  Sometimes it feels like a dream.  One thing I can never think about or imagine, is the end.  For me, in every swim that I have done, even when I see the shore, I cannot imagine the end until I am experiencing it.

For the last 4 years I have had the pleasure of going to the Bermuda Round the Sound (RTS) Swim.  This event has 5 different swims to choose from: 10K, 7.25K, 4K, 2K and .8K.

There are a few reasons I have continued to go back.  Selfishly, this event falls in October and always marks the end of my season.  I sign up for the 10K and it is a nice end to a usually loooong, hard year.  The next reason is the fact that I get to spend some quality time with a very special group of people, my East End crew.  Lastly, Bermuda is a beautiful place to visit and swim and the swimmers who sign up for the RTS are also usually repeat offenders so I get to see old acquaintances, some of which I am now happy to call friends.

While this year’s RTS swim was  squashed by Tropical Storm Fay, I made the best of it by finding a cozy chair and reading Moby Dick for a while, then going out in the wild waves after the rain passed and playing, and lastly sitting down that night and having (eh-hem) a few drinks with some really great swimmers.

While talking about swims we’ve done, distances we’ve covered, I made the comment that I never really enjoy the scenery during my swims.  Some swimmers, like my friend October, can sight-see while swimming – look at the sea life, the beauty along the shore line etc.  Not me.  To me, everything goes by in a blur and my focus is usually stroke by stroke.  As I was explaining this, my friend Marcie looked up at me and asked, “so why do you swim so far again?”

Well, everyone around, including me laughed and I don’t think I gave an answer but I do have one.

Those that know me very well know that I am a very private person.  I like to joke around and try to be outgoing when in social settings but normally I like to sit quietly, assess my surroundings and watch the show unfold.  I have done this for many swims, in many moments – My time before Key West, Tampa, Catalina, Bermuda, Aruba.  I want to make sure I enjoy the time I have at these places and that I can understand and remember why I was at that place, in that moment.

Every swimmer is different.  Every reason for doing a race, a swim and event means something different.  For some, it is checking another swim off the list, or getting a title and moving on to the next challenge.  For others, it is achieving something they thought they never would or could.  For me, it is a bit different.  You want to know why I swim far, swim long, swim at all.  Here it is:

After College I took some time off.  I was done with swimming but every time I was near a pool, the water, I ached.  I never went in.  My husband started to doubt if I ever actually swam in college at all.  he saw the pictures but my aversion to the water was so strong he couldn’t understand it.  We would go away on holiday and I wouldn’t go in the pool.  We would dip in the ocean but I never lingered.  Why?  I couldn’t explain it but I had let that part of my life go and to just play in the water or be in the water was sad for me.  It brought up memories of beautiful, wonderful, intense times and I put those times behind me.  To frolic felt wrong.

Then one day, there I was, living in NYC – a place that if you asked me where I would be living to start my life, NYC would have been the last answer – I was walking by a pool facility.  I watched a man walk in with his barrel bag over his shoulder and followed behind him.  I couldn’t stop my self.  I had no idea what I was doing but I walked up to the counter and joined that day.  It was a Friday.

That Monday,  I woke up at 5 AM, had my swim bag ready and went to the pool for my first swim in more than 8 years.  That first lap that I took made me cry.  Lump in my throat, ache in my heart, tears in my eyes I continued to swim until I finished that workout.  After that day, I realized that to deprive myself from swimming again would be like killing a part of me that makes me who I am.  Like letting something go because you can’t control it, letting swimming go for that time in my life made me realize just how big a role it played in making me, me.

After that, and after every swim that I do, I realized that even though the training is hard, the pain can be intense and the finish feels so long, what is worse then all of those things put together is the prospect of never having the feeling I get after accomplishing a swim.  the feeling I get from the finish.  The love and appreciation I am reminded of every time I stick my toe in the water, and like a siren, the ocean sucks me into her embrace.

I can honestly say that every day before I jump into the pool whether it is for 10,000 or 4,000 I can’t help but feel thankful.  If you see me walking slowly into the ocean, know that I am reflecting, always reflecting before I go in.  Looking longingly out at her, sighing relief at the fact that I get to swim.  The water is home to me.  I have spent just as much of my life in the water as I have out of the water.  When I was out of the water, I felt uncomfortable but didn’t know why…it’s because I was keeping myself from going home.  But never again.

I generally do not like to post workouts or distances but today was one I need to talk about. Although the distance was not anything out of the ordinary nor were the sets, it was just one of those practices that seemed to never end. Maybe it is because the main pool has recently switched to Long Course, and I have to get back into that mentality, or maybe it is because sometimes we have good days in the pool and not so good days. At any rate, the last set of my 8,000 long course meters workout was 20 x 150s. With no initial dread in doing this set, since i have done it in the past and far more challenging ones, after the first 150 I felt like I had just done a 500. So what got me through? I had a little help from a friend. While I have conditioned myself to train solo and am able to push myself when Bonnie is not with me to push me, sometimes, having a fellow swimmer going through the pain and monotony along side you makes all the difference. Barbara Cronin-Stagnari struggled through the last set with me and got me through an all around tough workout. She is someone I can always count on to just jump in whether it is 4,000 or 10,000. And she ran 15 miles before jumping in with me so I ask you…who is the crazy one now?

Someone recently told me I was a very spiritual person. I never considered myself spiritual and I actually thought, “what is he talking about, I’m not overly touchy feely, I don’t sit on the beach and chant, I don’t meditate…I don’t even do yoga!” As we continued to talk, over a very yummy omelette if I may add, I thought he might actually be on to something. I have really been thinking about why I am doing this swim and what it would mean to me to finish and move on to other swims around the world. The feeling is something that I cannot explain but this feeling is driving me to do this swim. I have fears, oh yes I have fears, but my fears are not enough to stop me from trying to conquer Catalina.
I have been trying to record every piece of this journey because the journey is such a big part of the swim. The people that have reached out to help me, the connections I have made with those that I did not even know but that have heard my story and want to be a part of it. I am trying to remember the inspirational words, words of wisdom, that people have shared with me that will help me get through those tough hours in the dark. I have reflected and continue to reflect on what it means to be able to do what I am doing–where I am doing it. Not many can and I feel blessed that mother nature has been all in all kind to me on my swims –yes I do count a hurricane and swells as kind. I think about the beauty of swimming with the sea life that some have only seen in books or at an aquarium. And I think about the times when I have been able to just stop swimming, look around to see nothing but sea and realize just how small, how very very small we are in such a very big and complicated world. When I am out in the ocean, time stops. It could be 1920 or 2014…and it is the scariest and most beautiful place you would ever want to be.
So…I was speaking to someone else recently and he must have had an encounter with someone self-important because he said to me, “everyone thinks that their life is the most interesting one.” And I said, well I know mine’s not. The most interesting things about me and my story are the people on my journey, the people who come in my life and add to the story. We talked about my swim and how I wanted to remember every bit of the road leading up to the point where I am at Catalina ready to jump in so I can appreciate and really try to live in the moment and understand it. And he looked at me and said, “that, my dear, is enlightenment.”

After Key West, while we were waiting on shore, some of the other finishers were asking how I trained for the swim. By far, out of the 5 guys that came in before more, I did more pool training than them. The 1st place finisher, who happened to be a female, had about the same amount of pool training as I. I used to worry about what I was doing, was I training enough? too much? is there such a thing as too much (yes there is)? While I am still curious as to how other open water swimmers may train, I do not worry about my plan. Each swimmer is different and each swimmer needs a certain amount of pool time vs. dryland time. There are those who do not need very much pool time and can manage to jump in a race and rock it, while there are others of us, who need as much pool time as possible. I do believe, for the open water marathon swims, there is a minimum amount of yardage that a swimmer should be doing if they want to be as successful as possible in his/her swims. I also believe that while it is good to be curious, you should never take another swimmer’s training plan without seriously understanding what you should be doing and how that plan will effect you. The best thing that I did was find a coach to guide me through Key West, and the best thing he did for me when I wanted to swim further was acknowledge that what I wanted to do was outside of his comfort zone and I should seek a new coach. Bonnie definitely understands what I need and how much I need to be successful in my open water swims. Do I do more than some that may go faster? Yes. But that does not mean that their plan would work for me. Find what works for you, try not to think about what everyone else is doing, and swim your swim.

The other day as I was swimming the man next to me jumped in about a half hour after I started my workout.  He stayed in for about a half hour before he was finished his workout.  Within that half hour time, he pulled out paddles, then fins then fins and paddles then paddles with a pull buoy.  While I do think that any combination of that equipment can be a good thing, all in one workout can be way too much.  Sometimes I go days without the pull buoy or paddles (I dislike fins so I try to avoid them as much as possible).  If you are an experienced swimmer, these “toys” can be very helpful but you have to know when to use them, and how to use them.  Without proper knowledge, you can not only waste your water time but you could seriously hurt yourself.  When my coach first started training me, I would say to her, “ok, what is my dryland plan, what kind of cords are we going to use?  what kind of paddles do you want me using?  what do you think about IM paddles?  How about this new snorkel thing everyone is using?”  She pulled the reigns back and sat me down and said, “the best way you are going to conquer the distance is to just swim it.  Yes, we will use equipment but you just need to put in the yardage unassisted sometimes.”  She was/is absolutely right.  When I do straight swims or 5 x 2,000, what we will do is throw in a 50 fly right in the middle of the 2,000s.  Try it, it is harder than you think (especially if it is long course meters).  When I do that, I imagine a change in open water conditions that may throw off my breathing or force me to exert more energy, then when I am done the fly, I try to get back to regulating my breathing.  It is hard but it works.  I do love to play but sometimes you have to just put away the toys and swim.

I used to pee during a practice, and hock big loogies (is that even a word and is that how you spell it?) and really basically do disgusting things without even thinking they were gross.  Now that I am older and way more mature (eh-hem) I am starting to notice that these things can be pretty gross when you are watching someone else do them and you are about to jump in the same water (or sometimes the same lane (ewh).   Let me first address the peeing.  While I do not find this gross, I have found it very difficult to pee because I feel this one lifeguard is always on to me when I am getting ready to pee and I get stage fright…so there I am, in between sets, getting out and walking into the locker room to go.  I’ve seen the way they treat the 2 year olds that poop in the pool so I am not going to be lumped in with those kids by getting caught!  whistles blowing, hazmat suits on…no thank you.

I think…what if I’m dehydrated and it is bright yellow…that lifeguard will see,  I know he will see.  While the thought of someone peeing in the water seems gross, pee does not have any properties that would make a person sick.  You could actually drink your pee if you really needed to until it is so concentrated that it would not longer benefit you.  Snot is another story.  I was about to jump in the lane after a high schooler was finished his workout and there it was, a gross, mass floating in the water.  While I can’t blame him because I did it at his age, if you are over 25 years old then you should not be trying to spit in the pool.  Yes, sometimes things happen but I was next to a guy who had to be about 80 years old who was working for a good minute trying to hack up something that he could spit right in the pool.  Come on people…get a tissue or at least be discrete about it.

I used to get caught up in the idea that if I stop swimming for one day that I would “lose it.”  My coach has taught me that this is not the case, and actually, rest is a very good thing.  While it is true that when you are intensely training, one recovery day as opposed to two days rest is better (getting in the pool and doing shorter yardage).  A day of doing nothing helps the body and the mind reset.  So for all you hard core athletes, take some time to rest, relax and appreciate what you were able to do during the week.