For the last 4 years I have had the pleasure of going to the Bermuda Round the Sound (RTS) Swim. This event has 5 different swims to choose from: 10K, 7.25K, 4K, 2K and .8K.
There are a few reasons I have continued to go back. Selfishly, this event falls in October and always marks the end of my season. I sign up for the 10K and it is a nice end to a usually loooong, hard year. The next reason is the fact that I get to spend some quality time with a very special group of people, my East End crew. Lastly, Bermuda is a beautiful place to visit and swim and the swimmers who sign up for the RTS are also usually repeat offenders so I get to see old acquaintances, some of which I am now happy to call friends.
While this year’s RTS swim was squashed by Tropical Storm Fay, I made the best of it by finding a cozy chair and reading Moby Dick for a while, then going out in the wild waves after the rain passed and playing, and lastly sitting down that night and having (eh-hem) a few drinks with some really great swimmers.
While talking about swims we’ve done, distances we’ve covered, I made the comment that I never really enjoy the scenery during my swims. Some swimmers, like my friend October, can sight-see while swimming – look at the sea life, the beauty along the shore line etc. Not me. To me, everything goes by in a blur and my focus is usually stroke by stroke. As I was explaining this, my friend Marcie looked up at me and asked, “so why do you swim so far again?”
Well, everyone around, including me laughed and I don’t think I gave an answer but I do have one.
Those that know me very well know that I am a very private person. I like to joke around and try to be outgoing when in social settings but normally I like to sit quietly, assess my surroundings and watch the show unfold. I have done this for many swims, in many moments – My time before Key West, Tampa, Catalina, Bermuda, Aruba. I want to make sure I enjoy the time I have at these places and that I can understand and remember why I was at that place, in that moment.
Every swimmer is different. Every reason for doing a race, a swim and event means something different. For some, it is checking another swim off the list, or getting a title and moving on to the next challenge. For others, it is achieving something they thought they never would or could. For me, it is a bit different. You want to know why I swim far, swim long, swim at all. Here it is:
After College I took some time off. I was done with swimming but every time I was near a pool, the water, I ached. I never went in. My husband started to doubt if I ever actually swam in college at all. he saw the pictures but my aversion to the water was so strong he couldn’t understand it. We would go away on holiday and I wouldn’t go in the pool. We would dip in the ocean but I never lingered. Why? I couldn’t explain it but I had let that part of my life go and to just play in the water or be in the water was sad for me. It brought up memories of beautiful, wonderful, intense times and I put those times behind me. To frolic felt wrong.
Then one day, there I was, living in NYC – a place that if you asked me where I would be living to start my life, NYC would have been the last answer – I was walking by a pool facility. I watched a man walk in with his barrel bag over his shoulder and followed behind him. I couldn’t stop my self. I had no idea what I was doing but I walked up to the counter and joined that day. It was a Friday.
That Monday, I woke up at 5 AM, had my swim bag ready and went to the pool for my first swim in more than 8 years. That first lap that I took made me cry. Lump in my throat, ache in my heart, tears in my eyes I continued to swim until I finished that workout. After that day, I realized that to deprive myself from swimming again would be like killing a part of me that makes me who I am. Like letting something go because you can’t control it, letting swimming go for that time in my life made me realize just how big a role it played in making me, me.
After that, and after every swim that I do, I realized that even though the training is hard, the pain can be intense and the finish feels so long, what is worse then all of those things put together is the prospect of never having the feeling I get after accomplishing a swim. the feeling I get from the finish. The love and appreciation I am reminded of every time I stick my toe in the water, and like a siren, the ocean sucks me into her embrace.
I can honestly say that every day before I jump into the pool whether it is for 10,000 or 4,000 I can’t help but feel thankful. If you see me walking slowly into the ocean, know that I am reflecting, always reflecting before I go in. Looking longingly out at her, sighing relief at the fact that I get to swim. The water is home to me. I have spent just as much of my life in the water as I have out of the water. When I was out of the water, I felt uncomfortable but didn’t know why…it’s because I was keeping myself from going home. But never again.